Aggressiveness in Business

I read recently a PR Daily article about whether you have to be ruthless to get ahead, and the article focused mostly on how it applies to women. It also found a recent trend for women who have been turned off by the behavior of contestants who believe that business is ruthless on tv shows.

I found it very interesting the image they chose to use was from the movie The Devil Wears Prada. I've worked for people who communicate in much the same ways as Meryl Streep's character, Miranda Priestly. You're lucky if you haven't. The one positive thing I can about that character is she expected perfection because she herself was a perfectionist. Unfortunately, she is one of those people who expect you to know everything and understand exactly what she's talking about without the benefit of all the years of experience.

That's just it, though, right? To Miranda, the communication was crystal clear. To everyone else around her, it was a puzzle. And most of the time they worked it out, so there was no reason Miranda would think her communication was at all unclear. It happens a lot in communication. How many times have you tried to tell someone something, only to find they don't have the same base of knowledge you have? It adjusts your perception of their abilities, underlined by your personal or professional bias, that same bias that allows you to say things like 'who doesn't know that'.

The benefit to working with someone like Miranda is that you pretty quickly discover you are on your own without any help from your boss, but the communication, to them, is crystal clear. If you can figure out the code consistently, you're probably going to be in good shape with your boss.So what happens when it's true ruthlessness at work?

By that I mean, when your boss needs to feel better than you, and will actively use passive/aggressive communication to make sure you don't succeed and feel defeated. I've always hated these types of communicators. It's really just awful. You think they're helping you out by explaining something, only to find in the meeting they have only explained half of what you needed to know and they make an excuse for you, in public, along the lines of 'We did discuss this something, and I was sure he/she understood, but clearly they we'll have to address this topic at a later date when we're more prepared'.

It sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? Your boss using the word we? Even though you look like an unprepared jackass to the others at the meeting. This is pretty aggressive behavior, and your boss is using your perceived lack of preparedness or knowledge to make themselves look better. Ruthless. but with a coat of sugar on it. So what can you do when you encounter someone who consistently says they are helping and providing necessary information for you to do your job, or live your life, well? Address it.

I was reading a post at Tiny Buddha about it, and while a handy overview about how to communicate clearly about what you need, don't expect to get it from a passive/aggressive boss. It's different when you are able to communicate as an equal, like you can with your parents, siblings, life partner or friends, than when you have to communicate with your boss, who can fire you. I did find an interesting tidbit in the article about anger and negativity. it makes sense. Anyone so angry at their life or their work, or so negative about the outcome of a particular project, is very likely to engage in passive/aggressive behavior to make them right. Which won't make them any happier, just so you know.

Your best bet here is to look to others on the project to clarify project deliverables and key project goals for you. By finding other, more trusted, routes of communication that help you rather than hurt you, you will likely succeed despite the lack of clear communication. Don't think that's going to make your boss any less ruthless, though, and the passive/aggressive communication isn't going to change. You'll just have to find workplace partners in crime who communicate clearly and are involved, even peripherally on projects you're working on.